Artist: Chris Parish
Project Name: ““Late Bloomer””
Artist Site: Chris Parish

If this disc was half as good as his bio says it is-Parish would be onto something. When an artists’ bio boasts of songs that are full of “hooktastic-bombs that have become Parish’s trademark destined to become smash hits” – one tends to expect to hear something besides an example of mediocrity at its finest. I personally don’t think I’d have the balls to print a quote from the artist that includes the phrase “….when I’m writing a new hit…” I’m no expert on timelines and how they apply to the English language, but don’t you need a hit before you can claim to write a new hit?? Also- the bio boasts “countless screaming girls” and “countless Hollywood shows.” I think that if we can count the stars in the sky and the fish in the sea that we could put a number to the screaming girls at Parish’s Hollywood shows as well. Wow, did I just write a “hooktastic bomb?” I have no idea, mainly due to the fact that I have absolutely no clue what a “hooktastic bomb” is! (Interesting note: my spellchecker suggested “holocaustic” to replace “hooktastic”) One last thing before I put out this oil-fire of a rant I’ve started- I hold the opinion that the term “rabid fans” (also in the bio) would have a negative connotation, FYI.

Parish’s effort “Late Bloomer” really isn’t that bad, in fact, I liked some of it - I just feel the accompanied bio could’ve used a good peppering of modesty. Note to bio writer: If you are using Microsoft Word; just click on the “Insert” menu and scroll down to “Insert Modesty.” I think the quick key is control-alt-M.

I don’t know if it’s against the rules to review a bio during a CD review…but yesterday I sold some heroin and a dirty needle to a 3rd grader, so for me to adhere to rules would make me a hypocrite- I may be a school-yard drug dealer a tad low on sterile needles…but I’m no hypocrite.

"Licensed from Chris Mara"